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03-17-2007, 11:59 AM
|  | Band Member Screamo for Emo | | Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: ocean springs, ms. Age: 31
Posts: 226
Rep Power: 49 | | | craig's list is pretty damn funny sometimes
Dear, guy masturbating in the bathroom stall at my work...
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Date: 2007-03-08, 12:20PM EST
Ok, I get it. You had to rub one out. I know the feeling. Maybe it was thinking about that totally hot little minx in purchasing that got you going. Or you got some steamy email from your wife. Whatever it was, you just needed a little release. We've all been there my friend.
But if I may be so bold as to offer a few tips?
1. Location Location Location - Maybe it was the bathroom closest to your desk. Maybe it has bigger stalls for more elbow room. But whatever the reason, the bathroom just off the factory floor is not your best choice. It is huge for a reason. There are about 80-90 workers on that factory floor at all times, plus about 30-40 office workers, and there's almost always at least one person who needs to take a squirt.
2. Silence is Golden - While we all might empathize with your situation, NO ONE WANTS YOU HEAR YOU SLAP YOUR SALAMI!! And we certainly don't want to hear the gentle grunts you were letting out. It was like being forced to listen to the audio of a bad gay porn soundtrack, minus the cheesy Casio keyboard jazz/funk fusion music. Keep it down, will ya?
3. Ms Manners says... - Ok, so you had a poor choice in bathrooms and you are just naturally loud. Even elemental problems such as these can be overcome by following rule #3. When someone comes into the bathroom....STOP!!! Seriously, I'd think that would be the easiest rule to follow. Did you not hear me open the door? Did you not hear me pull the ass gasket from the holder, tear off those 3 annoying pieces that hold the center in place, and sit down? Good god man, another man is taking a shit not 8 feet away from you. Shouldn't that take the bloom off the rose, so to speak?
4. Good fences make good neighbors - This is the most important rule of all. If you have been caught rubbing one out in the men's room, do not, under any circumstances, come out of your stall until all affected parties have left the bathroom. I'm never going to be able to get the picture out of my head of you going over to the sink right next to the one I was at, and looking at me in your mirror with a big contented smile while you're washing your hands.
They don't make a body soap strong enough for the ick I felt after that. No amount of showering tonight will do it I'm afraid |
03-17-2007, 12:16 PM
|  | MODERATOR BY DAY / NINJA BY NIGHT GCB Senior Citizen | | Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: A Padded Cell
Posts: 2,919
Rep Power: 50 | | | HAHAHAHA,GOOD STUFF ALEX;I JUST HAD TO RE-POST THAT ON MYSPACE... |
03-17-2007, 01:57 PM
| | Band Member Screamo for Emo | | Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: ocean springs, ms. Age: 31
Posts: 226
Rep Power: 49 | | | then you'll probably like this one too:
email this posting to a friend
Dear Hot Chicks,
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Date: 2007-02-19, 8:34PM PST
Hi, my name is Tim, or Joe, or Sam. Though we haven't had a formal introduction I'm sure you know me, or at least what I represent here. I'm fat guys. I'm nerdy guys. I'm short guys, bald guys, dorky guys, spazzes, weirdos. Hobos, and guys without great jobs, cars, or clothes. I just wanted to take a second to talk to you about something very important to me, something it doesn't seem that you realize:
If you are physically attractive and dress in such a way to grab the attention of attractive males, you will also grab the attention of us unattractive males.
I'm sorry you're attractive though I am not. Believe me, it is probably as hard for me as it is for you. It isn't like I didn't sometimes wish I was some hot dude with whom you would make out at some shitty party with bad music. But just so you know, you were showing a lot of cleavage on the escalator at Barnes and Noble today and even though I wasn't the guy you wanted to attract, I like boobs just like he does. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not the creepy guys. I know how to look at some boobs without staring or showing up in your driveway, but if you catch me checking you out please don't look so pissed off. What if I knew some hot dude and was about to point him in your direction but changed my mind because now you seem like a bitch? Bet you didn't think of that while buying that short skirt did you?
Please don't think I'm asking you to become the chick in the bar who is a little ugly and past her prime who wants any and all guys to stare at her and have endless conversations about sexuality like that one time in college when she totally made out with some chick at a party and a whole bunch of frat guys got boners. I'm just saying, if you go fishing don't get mad if you catch a boot, or a tin can, or even maybe some seaweed |
03-28-2007, 01:05 PM
| | Band Member Screamo for Emo | | Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: ocean springs, ms. Age: 31
Posts: 226
Rep Power: 49 | | | |
03-28-2007, 01:16 PM
| | Band Member Band Whore | | Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: the GPT
Posts: 368
Rep Power: 38 | | | Dude, I read that this morning. Hilarious! I wonder who's giving them shit if he has no neghbors? |
03-28-2007, 02:43 PM
| | Band Member Screamo for Emo | | Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: ocean springs, ms. Age: 31
Posts: 226
Rep Power: 49 | | | no telling. maybe his girlfriend has a set of pipes like a siren. |
03-28-2007, 03:51 PM
| | Band Member Band Whore | | Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: the GPT
Posts: 368
Rep Power: 38 | | | Right. Maybe like some trapped animal. | |
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metal health will drive you mad!!! 
