Crossing the Line: Inappropriate Relationships

The Wayniac · 12-07-2007, 03:21 PM

Crossing the Line: Inappropriate Relationships

Most people in relationships are well aware of the rules that govern their behavior, such as those of fidelity and monogamy. However, there are important relationship rules that are not explicitly stated, inlcuding behaviors that fall into the "crossing the line" category.

What are some common "crossing the line" crimes?

Cyber-flirting
Dirty dancing with people other than your partner
Buying other girls/guys drinks
Being too affectionate with members of the opposite sex
Commenting on the attractiveness of other men/women to your spouse
Flirting with the waiter/waitress/handyman, etc.

At one point or another, everyone engages in these activities when their spouse is looking the other way. Sometimes it can be hard to resist catching a cute guy's eye on the bus, or flirting and showing off for the pretty waitress.

While most of us never intend to take it beyond that initial flirtation, these behaviors certainly raise a few eyebrows and can cause tension in our relationships. This begs the question: when getting close to crossing the line, where is the point of no return?

I asked viewers of the Today Show this question in a recent poll, and the results were very revealing. (To take the survey about what you consider "crossing the line," go to the Today Show web site.)

Most people agreed that while all of the "crossing the line" behaviors were upsetting, only the overtly sexual behaviors were a cause for concern. For instance, 80 percent of survey respondents stated they would be concerned if their partner danced inappropriately with other people, while only 50 percent stated they would be upset if their partner commented on the attractiveness of passers-by or celebrities.

Apparently, the nuances of sexuality are not deal breakers - we don't expect our spouses to become blind to attractive people just because they are in a committed relationship. Indeed, there is nothing inherently wrong with being attracted to the McDreamys and Angelinas of this world, and most people realize that fantasy and behavior are two very different things.

However, once these daydreams cross over into reality - such as buying other women drinks, keeping a secret stash of porn, or sending secret text messages - the line has been crossed. You might not technically be cheating, but you are depriving your spouse of the emotional energy, trust, and intimacy that your relationship needs to thrive.

More importantly, routinely participating in these "crossing the line" behaviors signals a lack of respect and esteem for our loved ones. Someone who routinely instigates or participates in flirtation with the opposite sex lacks both sensitivity and consideration for their partner's feelings; this can be a red flag for their behavior in the future.

So the next time your spouse isn't looking, rather than sidle up to an attractive stranger, why not use that time to buy your one-and-only a surprise gift or bouquet of roses?

Ty · 12-07-2007, 03:55 PM

I'm a naturally affectionate person and a very flirty one as well. Personally all those things listed above aren't infractions but then again I'm not the jealous type. I agree that there is a line but to me, none of those are crossing it.

Marc · 12-07-2007, 08:32 PM

It's a beautiful lie

Razz · 12-08-2007, 11:18 AM

I'm very flirty and so is Lance. All in all it really isn't a big deal. But any of those can be taken too far.

andrea · 12-09-2007, 02:18 PM

I have said many times before that the key to a long lasting relationship is social freedom. Buying drinks, flirting, commenting on the attractiveness of another to your spouse....I really have no problem with those things. Alex is also my best friend, it's important to me that we are free to be ourselves. Respecting him as a man first and my lover second leads him to be honest with me, and vice versa.

Carrying on another full blown realtionship is what I would consider "crossing the line". The rest of that stuff is just human nature and to try to stifle that in your partner will only lead to misery...for both.

Trey · 12-25-2007, 11:32 AM

I think it depends on what you and your partner are comfortable with. All people & relationships are definitely not the same.

Julie · 12-25-2007, 01:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trey

I think it depends on what you and your partner are comfortable with. All people & relationships are definitely not the same.

VERY true... but I would have to say that it also deeply depends on how compatible both partners are, as well as how secure they are within their relationship. If there were absolute guidelines for each and every one of us, then we risk winding up in a relationship that is pretty dull and lame. Being in a relationship not only allows us to absorb some points of another's personality and human closeness, it also gives us a great window to get to know ourselves... and those are some of the best parts. After sex, of course.

The Wayniac · 12-25-2007, 02:36 PM

sniff......

megagoat · 12-26-2007, 01:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trey

I think it depends on what you and your partner are comfortable with. All people & relationships are definitely not the same.

bingo. people in relationships can discuss what's cool and not cool and go from there.

James Gillies · 12-28-2007, 12:54 PM

I'd probably get pissed off at any of them

View Poll Results: What is the worst infraction ?
Cyber Flirting	1	10.00%
Dirty Dancing with people other than your partner	1	10.00%
Buying other girls/guys drinks	2	20.00%
Being too affectionate with the opposite sex	5	50.00%
Commenting on the attractiveness of others to your spouse	1	10.00%
Flirting with waiter/waitress/handyman	0	0%
Voters: 10. You may not vote on this poll

12-07-2007, 03:21 PM	#1 (permalink)
The Wayniac Moderator Band Whore Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Mobile, AL. Posts: 959 Rep Power: 44	Crossing the Line: Inappropriate Relationships Crossing the Line: Inappropriate Relationships Most people in relationships are well aware of the rules that govern their behavior, such as those of fidelity and monogamy. However, there are important relationship rules that are not explicitly stated, inlcuding behaviors that fall into the "crossing the line" category. What are some common "crossing the line" crimes? Cyber-flirting Dirty dancing with people other than your partner Buying other girls/guys drinks Being too affectionate with members of the opposite sex Commenting on the attractiveness of other men/women to your spouse Flirting with the waiter/waitress/handyman, etc. At one point or another, everyone engages in these activities when their spouse is looking the other way. Sometimes it can be hard to resist catching a cute guy's eye on the bus, or flirting and showing off for the pretty waitress. While most of us never intend to take it beyond that initial flirtation, these behaviors certainly raise a few eyebrows and can cause tension in our relationships. This begs the question: when getting close to crossing the line, where is the point of no return? I asked viewers of the Today Show this question in a recent poll, and the results were very revealing. (To take the survey about what you consider "crossing the line," go to the Today Show web site.) Most people agreed that while all of the "crossing the line" behaviors were upsetting, only the overtly sexual behaviors were a cause for concern. For instance, 80 percent of survey respondents stated they would be concerned if their partner danced inappropriately with other people, while only 50 percent stated they would be upset if their partner commented on the attractiveness of passers-by or celebrities. Apparently, the nuances of sexuality are not deal breakers - we don't expect our spouses to become blind to attractive people just because they are in a committed relationship. Indeed, there is nothing inherently wrong with being attracted to the McDreamys and Angelinas of this world, and most people realize that fantasy and behavior are two very different things. However, once these daydreams cross over into reality - such as buying other women drinks, keeping a secret stash of porn, or sending secret text messages - the line has been crossed. You might not technically be cheating, but you are depriving your spouse of the emotional energy, trust, and intimacy that your relationship needs to thrive. More importantly, routinely participating in these "crossing the line" behaviors signals a lack of respect and esteem for our loved ones. Someone who routinely instigates or participates in flirtation with the opposite sex lacks both sensitivity and consideration for their partner's feelings; this can be a red flag for their behavior in the future. So the next time your spouse isn't looking, rather than sidle up to an attractive stranger, why not use that time to buy your one-and-only a surprise gift or bouquet of roses? __________________ ______________________ Less Ego equals More Jam.

12-07-2007, 03:55 PM	#2 (permalink)
Ty Screamo for Emo Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Saucier Posts: 197 Rep Power: 50	I'm a naturally affectionate person and a very flirty one as well. Personally all those things listed above aren't infractions but then again I'm not the jealous type. I agree that there is a line but to me, none of those are crossing it. __________________ Support local music, sleep with a musician.

12-07-2007, 08:32 PM	#3 (permalink)
Marc Administrator GCB Senior Citizen Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: The hearts of women everywhere. Age: 29 Posts: 3,931 Rep Power: 51	It's a beautiful lie __________________ GCB Myspace Need Guitar Tabs? Need Song Lyrics?

12-09-2007, 02:18 PM	#5 (permalink)
andrea Fawkin' Newbie Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Mississippi Gulf Coast Age: 28 Posts: 96 Rep Power: 0	I have said many times before that the key to a long lasting relationship is social freedom. Buying drinks, flirting, commenting on the attractiveness of another to your spouse....I really have no problem with those things. Alex is also my best friend, it's important to me that we are free to be ourselves. Respecting him as a man first and my lover second leads him to be honest with me, and vice versa. Carrying on another full blown realtionship is what I would consider "crossing the line". The rest of that stuff is just human nature and to try to stifle that in your partner will only lead to misery...for both. __________________ yodeladyoohoo! http://www.myspace.com/lovelydayfor

12-08-2007, 11:18 AM	#4 (permalink)
Razz Productive GCB Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Age: 29 Posts: 1,172 Rep Power: 47	I'm very flirty and so is Lance. All in all it really isn't a big deal. But any of those can be taken too far.

12-25-2007, 11:32 AM	#6 (permalink)
Trey Screamo for Emo Join Date: May 2007 Location: Biloxi Age: 30 Posts: 195 Rep Power: 16	I think it depends on what you and your partner are comfortable with. All people & relationships are definitely not the same. __________________ Ninjas kill pirates. The end.

12-25-2007, 02:36 PM	#8 (permalink)
The Wayniac Moderator Band Whore Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Mobile, AL. Posts: 959 Rep Power: 44	sniff...... __________________ ______________________ Less Ego equals More Jam.

12-28-2007, 12:54 PM	#10 (permalink)
James Gillies Band Member Band Whore Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Biloxi, MS Age: 28 Posts: 369 Rep Power: 46	I'd probably get pissed off at any of them __________________ www.myspace.com/JamesGilliesRocks www.myspace.com/racing4pinks www.biloximusic.com JamesGilliesRocks@yahoo.com 228-324-5541