TOP TEN SIGNS YOU ARE A CHRISTIAN

The Wayniac · 05-27-2007, 11:12 AM

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU ARE A CHRISTIAN

10. You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9. You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created directly from dirt.

8. You laugh at polytheists, but have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7. Your face turns purple when you hear the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua", including women, children and trees!

6. You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and ascended into the sky.

5. You are willing to spend your life looking for loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing the Earth is a few generations old.

4. You believe the entire population of this planet with the exception of those that share your beliefs -- though excluding those in rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving".

3. While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor and speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2. You define 0.1% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence prayer works. And you think the remaining 99.9% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1. You actually know alot less than atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

"Suppose we've chosen the wrong god. Every time we go to church we're just making him madder and madder." - Homer Simpson

Trey · 05-28-2007, 01:45 AM

LOL, I've seen this before, pretty funny.

Don't forget that every animal in existence lived within walking distance of Noah's house.

PITBOSS · 05-28-2007, 09:28 AM

Those are some pretty good points there. #3 is my fav. I have a couple of family members that can pull off the speaking in tongues thing.

Julie · 05-28-2007, 05:45 PM

Hrm... well, then. I must not be a Christian. Whew!

Mikael · 05-29-2007, 01:13 AM

I'm a Christian. But, not under those terms. I don't look at the Bible as a literal piece. It contains moral lessons, and in some cases, the outlook on a "worst-case scenario". And learning to read the Bible, I think is the single greatest contributor to our society.
Literacy, abstract concepts, morality, linquistics, and our laws all come from the same source as the Bible.

Mikael · 05-29-2007, 07:35 AM

I heard J.W.'s believe that only 100,000 people will actually get into heaven. Why do they knock on everybody's door then?

The Wayniac · 05-29-2007, 10:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mikael

I'm a Christian. But, not under those terms. I don't look at the Bible as a literal piece. It contains moral lessons, and in some cases, the outlook on a "worst-case scenario". And learning to read the Bible, I think is the single greatest contributor to our society.
Literacy, abstract concepts, morality, linquistics, and our laws all come from the same source as the Bible.

Its cool man, I wasn't trying to call anyone out on here with that post. I know many Christians who aren't like that.
I thought the article was funny how it points out hypocrisy of some x-tians.

wilthrill · 05-29-2007, 11:25 AM

I like #5 about the age of the earth.

It is especially relevant to me because I went swimming yesterday at a creek down the road from my house. I am roughly 500- 1000 feet ABOVE sea level on the Cumberland plateau (Nashville is actually in a gigantic bowl). Now even if you were to believe that the Appalachians could have formed in less than say 1,000,000 years how do you explain the fact that we find SEA CREATURES (shells, coral etc) in our creek beds which are 500-1000 feet ABOVE sea level and five hundred miles from the nearest sea????

wilthrill · 05-29-2007, 11:27 AM

And Wayniac here's #11 especially relevant to you guys in South Ms.

You must be a "christian" if you oppose organized gambling and then get on a bus to go gambling at the casino you opposed!

The Wayniac · 05-29-2007, 11:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wilthrill

I like #5 about the age of the earth.

It is especially relevant to me because I went swimming yesterday at a creek down the road from my house. I am roughly 500- 1000 feet ABOVE sea level on the Cumberland plateau (Nashville is actually in a gigantic bowl). Now even if you were to believe that the Appalachians could have formed in less than say 1,000,000 years how do you explain the fact that we find SEA CREATURES (shells, coral etc) in our creek beds which are 500-1000 feet ABOVE sea level and five hundred miles from the nearest sea????

As Mr. Spock would say "Logic suggests"; plate tectonics - the cumberland plateau must have been under sea water at one time.

05-27-2007, 11:12 AM	#1 (permalink)
The Wayniac Moderator Band Whore Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Mobile, AL. Posts: 965 Rep Power: 44	TOP TEN SIGNS YOU ARE A CHRISTIAN TOP TEN SIGNS YOU ARE A CHRISTIAN 10. You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours. 9. You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created directly from dirt. 8. You laugh at polytheists, but have no problem believing in a Triune God. 7. Your face turns purple when you hear the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua", including women, children and trees! 6. You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and ascended into the sky. 5. You are willing to spend your life looking for loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing the Earth is a few generations old. 4. You believe the entire population of this planet with the exception of those that share your beliefs -- though excluding those in rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving". 3. While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor and speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity. 2. You define 0.1% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence prayer works. And you think the remaining 99.9% FAILURE was simply the will of God. 1. You actually know alot less than atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian. "Suppose we've chosen the wrong god. Every time we go to church we're just making him madder and madder." - Homer Simpson __________________ ______________________ Less Ego equals More Jam.

05-28-2007, 01:45 AM	#2 (permalink)
Trey Screamo for Emo Join Date: May 2007 Location: Biloxi Age: 30 Posts: 199 Rep Power: 16	LOL, I've seen this before, pretty funny. Don't forget that every animal in existence lived within walking distance of Noah's house. __________________ Ninjas kill pirates. The end.

05-28-2007, 05:45 PM	#4 (permalink)
Julie (((ThatGirl))) Screamo for Emo Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Mobile, Alabama Posts: 227 Rep Power: 46	Hrm... well, then. I must not be a Christian. Whew! __________________ It is who we become that changes the world and our environment, not what we do. John Whitehouse May 4 1960 - January 28 2008

05-29-2007, 01:13 AM	#5 (permalink)
Mikael Band Member Band Whore Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Down In a Hole Posts: 905 Rep Power: 45	I'm a Christian. But, not under those terms. I don't look at the Bible as a literal piece. It contains moral lessons, and in some cases, the outlook on a "worst-case scenario". And learning to read the Bible, I think is the single greatest contributor to our society. Literacy, abstract concepts, morality, linquistics, and our laws all come from the same source as the Bible. __________________ I just saved a ton of money on car insurance by switching to no car insurance!!! www.myspace.com/13468360

05-29-2007, 07:35 AM	#6 (permalink)
Mikael Band Member Band Whore Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Down In a Hole Posts: 905 Rep Power: 45	I heard J.W.'s believe that only 100,000 people will actually get into heaven. Why do they knock on everybody's door then? __________________ I just saved a ton of money on car insurance by switching to no car insurance!!! www.myspace.com/13468360

05-28-2007, 09:28 AM	#3 (permalink)
PITBOSS Band Whore Join Date: May 2005 Location: Grand Bay Age: 33 Posts: 309 Rep Power: 41	Those are some pretty good points there. #3 is my fav. I have a couple of family members that can pull off the speaking in tongues thing.

05-29-2007, 11:25 AM	#8 (permalink)
wilthrill Band Whore Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 825 Rep Power: 46	I like #5 about the age of the earth. It is especially relevant to me because I went swimming yesterday at a creek down the road from my house. I am roughly 500- 1000 feet ABOVE sea level on the Cumberland plateau (Nashville is actually in a gigantic bowl). Now even if you were to believe that the Appalachians could have formed in less than say 1,000,000 years how do you explain the fact that we find SEA CREATURES (shells, coral etc) in our creek beds which are 500-1000 feet ABOVE sea level and five hundred miles from the nearest sea????

05-29-2007, 11:27 AM	#9 (permalink)
wilthrill Band Whore Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 825 Rep Power: 46	And Wayniac here's #11 especially relevant to you guys in South Ms. You must be a "christian" if you oppose organized gambling and then get on a bus to go gambling at the casino you opposed!